alright, so im back from work. and i shall hurry up blog before i get lazy again. my mind seems to be my active blog instead, caz i always tink fo wad to type in there but usually never get to type it out.
so yeah. i've been in the reflection mood/guilty conscious mood lately. (ok, im occasionally like this.) so i was couting earrings in the shop when i randomly started reflecting about myself. I rembered shir smsing me yesterday to go out today, which i cldnt go since i was working.
and yah, she's been always asking me out for saturdays but always ask last minute. the last time i saw her was wad? feburary? april? not sure. but anyway, i had this flashback about the time when we were in sec 4 and conversing through my notebook even thou we were seating right next to each other. She wrote tt she had something on her mind awhile back, but i wasn't there so she didn't tell me. to which, i replied that she cld have still told me even i wasn't there by her.
and now, she probably wants me there so she can tell me her problems but im still not there.
then i recalled about the conversation with novea about my gems for next semester. I told novea i wanted to take Enterprenuership but then she told me sam had told her i had agreed to take some ettiqutte course some time back. i honestly still dun rmb much of tt, but yeah. count on Ying to go back on her words man.
once it started, it cldnt stop. I was smsing natalie the other day and telling her not to think about things alone, but instead sms or call me so that she wouldnt think so pessimistic on everything and feel emo. however, now that i think of it, i'll probably get irritated if she really did call me everytime right?
and then i realised that even if she calls, i wun be much help. because, im a really bad listener. i used to be really good in listening to ppl, but somehow i've lost the art of it. im sorry to say this to jaslyn and maybe all my friends, but im not listening more than half the time when u are talking. i always pretends to listen. and its not im thinking on my own or something, im usually spaced out while they are toking to me.
So the problem with me is that Im always saying words yet not keeping by them. It sucks, i know. but its gets worse with the fact that i always reflect about myself, try to change a lil but then revert back to normal some day, time or whatever.
im a really really bad fren.
ok, then i started to think about my family. yeah. honestly, i don't know what's happening in the family. it's been rather peaceful for the past few days, but im keeping my fingers cross about the whole 'family peace' tingie. they always seem to be a pre-warning about something bad that's gonna happen soon.
and my mum called me just now, i was busy reflecting/emo-ing that i used my irritated voice on her. and in a reflection state, i cursed myself mentally for being so rude to my mom. but im always using this tone of voice with her, and then getting angry at myself for doing that. and then i asked myself if i missed my mum or sumting, but i really don't have an answer to it. just yesterday, i was questioning myself if i love my sister (not in the incest way), or family. and i have no concrete answer to it. sure, im concerned about them, i dun hate them. but there's this lack of affectionate (or wadeva u call it) between us that makes me wonder if i love them anot.
I realised that im occasionally worried and concerned about my frens and family and even to ppl around me whom im not very close with. but i always stop there. i dun do anything much to help and all. i always offer help and i sincerely wants to help, but i always end up not giving any actual help.
So the bottom line of it all is that, im think about myself too much more than i think of others.
i hope i wldnt regret typing such an entry. btw, i don't really know what im saying.
My mental health, is degrading every second.
List1.become the good listener i once was
2.think carefully before i speak incase my words become empty and meaningless.
3.stop myself from reflecting and all at the wrong timing.
4.Have a healthy lifestyle/diet to boost my mental health.
kenkenpi @ 10:14 PM
YO. first day of semester two today.
I have 8 modules this semester. ontop of that, novea and i took up japanese language class.
we're becoming superwoman with our subjects.
ok, first was Fundamentals of Economics lecture. oh man, the teacher was such a bitch. scolding and all. then she became rather funny and amusing, showing us her stupid dream car and using dialect words. haha, i love her for being a funny bitch. novea and i love her sacastic smile, its her best facial feature. haha, tmr got her lecture at 8am too. at least she doesnt make me sleepy.
After lecture, was so frigging hungry but got dragged off to do sum oops publicity which i totally had no idea of. Me,sam,novea and lorla were given oops t-shirt and we wore them over. then we went to foodcourt 6 and did sum stupid, humilating poses while fairuz (my OC teacher), william and shawn made numerous failure attempts at taking photos of us. Some DMC senior finally came with a decent camera and took a couple of shots for the 'perfect' shot.
Oh yeah, we gave out lollipops too. but ppl stared at us like we were idiots and we were being ignored. i pressed a lollipop into the hand of a girl queing up for fish beehoon and she was the ONLY one who said thank you to me.
shows how lovely my sch peeps are eh? tsk.
oh yeah, we were late for news writing classes because of our extreme hunger and the dragging publicity tingie wich was suppose to have lasted for 10mins only. the teacher was frigging boring. and i tink he tried to made the class laugh but i was already tired and falling asleep.
Advertising and Public Relations lecture was even worse. it was like FOM last sem, a lecture worth skipping. but the lecturer showed us some really old advertisments. Quite interesting. haha.
me and novea went sumo house for dinner before heading back to school for our japanese lessons. stopped by at bata and bought a pair of footwear. took the yellow one, novea likes the pink one. k i dunoe how to describe it. but it gave me blisters.
Japanese lessons! oh my, practically 70% of the ppl there were china ppl, and 75% of them were guys. there was a few weird chinese couple and the rest were really weird individuals. There are two TEDDY in my class. one malay and one chinese i tink? i had to share my book with this china girl (or is it malaysian? maybe she's local...) caz she din have hers. she was sitting so far away from me tt i had to move my seat closer to her instead.
the teacher. she's so cute!!! her name is hikoro. her english sucks, she was trying to read the rules from the textbook but her prnounciation was so bad i had to ask novea wad she was saying. she took like half an hour trying to read the attendance list name (she cldnt read most of the china ppl's name and english names.). but she really damn cute, haha.
japanese is damn difficult, like at least three times harder than korean. i feel so taunted by it. i tink i wasted my money on a language i'll never master.
blah. tt's all. long entry. buh bye.
kenkenpi @ 10:11 PM