im into shinhwa's perfect man song again.

today i served a korean couple. i din even noe the guy was korean, tot he was china caz of his weird english accent.
then i heard him toking to his wife then i realised.
he said "gwenchana" alot of times to his wife until i feel like saying tt too.
u noe i tink i was mad, caz i tot he looked like minwoo's brother.
i was hallucinating about it. but it can't be. caz i dun tink minwoo's brother wld noe english.
im so insulting. haha.

there was this super duper cute girl today. i gave her adn her sister 'specially nice' treatment and attention. she was so happy, she waved 'goodbye' to me when she was at the escalator after my shop closed. aww, i love her. and her dad was so funny, asking me for comments about the belt. i told him i dun noe, becaz nice to me may not be nice to him. lol.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i spent my christmas with leather ark. haha.




not nice, i noe.

kenkenpi @ 11:27 PM

i'm not affected.

who am i kidding? i am affected. very affected, super affected, absolutely affected.
its that thing called pride. incase you don't know, i have alot of pride.
wich is why i never apologises again if ppl rejects my solem 'sorry' harshly. i rather lose the friendship than say it.
and its pride preventing me from crying. yes im tearing, but i din drop a single tear.

so full of pride that i don't let others noe how affected i am.
so why am i here blogging? caz i have no one to tell all these. i have no courage or watsoever to tell it out front.
im a coward, a very good one too. not even family, not even friends can be close enough to know everything.
even nicole, she mite be my closest friend ever, but she's not even close to being the 'bestfriend' who noes it all.
not jasmine who's really understanding. not even friends whom i know for 10 years already.
sure, i've kinda opened up these few years and afew ppl do noe about my circumstances. but not in detail. i can't bring myself to say it. i hesitate before telling anyone anything.

maybe im blogging now caz im hoping for tt lil attention, tt lil comfort.
but no my friends, saying things like "its ok". "fuck the whole thing" isnt gonna ease it all.
i rather u not say a thing at all.

because i know for sure it wun go away. ill sleep over it and forget it the next day, but the problem is still there.
the hurt is still there. and it comes back huanting occasionally. no, i dun tink my heart is feeling any pain. i dunoe wad its feeling. i only know im upset, confused and i blah blah blah.

the reason why im emotionally attached to my computer, is cause its where i can temporary forget my worries.
im like locked up in anohter world, reading fanfics,surfing forums, watching youtubes.
even at work, i enjoy it maybe cause i dun rmb the hard times.

u noe how fanfics always write about super poor girls meeting the rich one and having a happy ending?
i laugh at those stupid plots, becaz its not true. those girls don't even come close to what im facing.
yes, im self-sympathising. i tink my life is pathetic and worse than others. yah maybe others have it worse.
but no,selfish me only cares about myself now. and dun even tink 'she needs a man' .
because i have enough men distrupting my life already.

so why do i still read fanfics? u tell me. maybe deep down, im hoping and praying a miracles like that wld happen and save me from all these. but i know better, nth's gonna save me. well, my uncle suggested tt maybe if my dad died all these wld be resolved? they laugh at it as sum kind of joke. but i took it seriously. maybe im even wishing for my own's father death now. im not so sure myself.

i don't know what i want anymore. no, i never knew what i wanted.

if only i can really lock myself up. shut myself away from the world. but i can't. caz i can still feel this heart beating.
which sucks, because i seriously won't do anything physically to harm myself. i won't slit wrists, i won't commit suicide.
becaz im a coward. always one, forever one. nd im hoping, to see a better side of the world, one day, someday far far away in the future.

i usually sing songs out loud to soothe myself out, and cry all by myself while singing. but this time, i stopped myself.
as sual, i don't know why.

i fear chinese new eyar. i wanna run away from it all. i dun have the face to meet up relatives adn smile. to wish them 'happy new yr' and to take their ang baos. i want to be away from this 'house' , that 'home', the 'estate'. i wish i cld go on to another country during that period. even right now. but i ahve no money to do all these. even if my mum wld to sponser me, she wld to tag along with me to make sure i'm alright. but i dun want that. a part of me wants to be alone, but another part of me fears lonliness.
and again, i dun have the guts to run away from my problems.

and im sorry if im not replying sms, or if im telling u im not in the mood to talk right now. ok, maybe im not sorry. i dun feel sorry.

kenkenpi @ 9:54 PM

im damn tired.
but i can't sleep! not when my stomach is bloated from all the food i ate.

today off day. (btw, i love like my job)
went klunch with ryn,jas and nicole.
after tt i bought famous amos cookies! costed me 10plus can?

went vivo to find jessie after tt. stupid girl, she not working today never tell me.
but she still came vivo with her sis. then she so nice, treat me and nicole each a bowl of ban mien. summore order some fish steamboat thingie for us to share with jas and ryn.
and she din even eat with us, she just ordered then leave.
met mable too! she was with audrey. tt blur girl tot she was working today btu she wasn't.

suppose to go chalet one. but then i was too tired to move my ass there.
sommore tmr need to work and i cant stay overnight or too late, only can go there 2 or 3 hrs so mite as well dun go.

yess. tmr working with jerlyn! she's nice. worked with her yesterday together with sara who's equally nice. but tmr got another girl i dunoe so maybe wun be tt good? but saturday's definetly fun, since there's jerlyn and michelle!

i better stop spending much money. im not earning much and my bank has very little money left.
plus, i didn't win the minwoo concert dvd contest. ok, i came in 3rd, so i won a shinhwa winter story concert poster. i hope the shipping fees for tt pathetic poster wun be too ex.

shd i add minwoo first concert dvd to my wish list? or shd i wait to get the second concert dvd? or shd i get both? AND I HAVE NOT WATCHED MY SHINHWA CONCERT DVD. pathetic eh?

PUFFY CHEEKS CONTEST:

contestant 1: ANDY (shinhwa)

kenkenpi @ 6:55 PM

YO IM BACK.
i dunoe wad to blog thou.

im starting work at leather ark next week.
lady boss says she will sms me my duty roster, i have a feeling im working on some days only-meacing i won't earn much.

MY SHINHWA CONCERT DVD IS HERE.
erm, im meetng jasmine at 1.45pm at tampines later to collect.
but guess wad? she mistook the time as 12.45pm, so she's there now. haha/

and then im meeting huangchi later. stupid girl, only asks me out when she has no one. im dreading it. she's nuts. i can't handle her alone. ill slap her if she laughs too much.

i hope i meet jessie in town later.

alright, i got the fashion fiesta pics already. but none of the pics are the fahion show itself. caz the pics are in jas's phone and she can't find the cable to connect it to the computer.
only pictures of US, and we realised we din take any pic with the designer herself.
but we took with her cool mum!




Solo pics:

kenkenpi @ 12:30 PM

I MISS DFFP.
i hardly see them online now.
i can't rmb the last time going out with them.
and we never had the habit of smsing or talking to each other on the phone.

kenkenpi @ 7:12 PM

kenkenpi @ 10:50 PM

kenkenpi @ 1:56 PM

ok, so i've been kinda lazy to update for the past few days.

and im so freaking tired today.
walked arng town with nicole, huangchi and samantha for practically no reason.
ok, there was a reason, we just didn't end up buying anything.

the stupid donation ppl came up and ask for money. i told him tt i din want to donate and that i've worked that job before but he insisted on persuading us to donate.
i got irritated so i diao and looked away. nicole said "if u wanna say then say loh" and the other two idiots just laughed.

oh. and there's these two far east shops that are playing shinhwa's cd. its funny caz one plays the 8th album and the other plays the 7th album. and they are just two shops between eac other. me and nicole kept going into the shops to hear the music. i tink sometimes nicole gets too happy that she starts dancing in the shop.

oh yeah. so i got to work in leather ark for two weeks. it starts next week. i tink ever since phoebe left, they are quite particular in finding people to work so i have to be under supervised for two weeks FIRST. oh well, i hope this job is lasting and bearable for me.

tmr is someone's special day. me and nicole had such a hard time finding and deciding what to wear. aish, i hate the dress code. im gonna turn out ugly tmr, don't laugh yeah? and pls don't let any embarassing thing happen to me.

char's been back since yesterday night. but how cum i still don't see her online?

kenkenpi @ 11:27 PM

FUCK LA.
THE BOUTIQUE I WORKED IN FOR TWO DAYS.
THEY ARE NOT PAYING ME.

FUCKERS. THE STUPID BOSS SAY SHE WILL ONLY PAY ME IF I HAD WORKED FOR MORE THAN ONE WEEK. LESS THAN A WEEK NO PAY.

WHAT THE HELL. THEY DIDNT TELL ME THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
SO GREAT. I WASTED 22 HOURS FOR NOTHING AT ALL.

URGH. I HATE THAT BOUTIQUE. WHY THE FUCK DIDNT I TEAR THEIR CLOTHES BEFORE LEAVING? WHY DIDNT I STEAL MORE OF THEIR FOOD IN THE STORE ROOM?

I SHD HAVE AT LEAST BROKE THE FUCKING JOLIN CD THEY KEPT REPLAYING IN THE SHOP.

FUCKING BITCH. I HATE HER. THEM. WADEVA. JUST DIE TO PLEASE ME.

no. im not being a bitch by saying those. im already kind enough to say that.

kenkenpi @ 9:15 PM

i tink i have no life.

kenkenpi @ 9:18 PM